I don’t know what to do, I know I need to go to therapy. Yet, I have some problems to figure out, if it’s to happen.
Even coming here, is difficult. I am afraid, why I am not able to discuss any of the problems, discussions, actions that is, mentally, emotionally and physically going on right now. I find it quite scary.
Even if I would start therapy again, I am in such a state that I don’t know how to handle getting a therapist who didn’t know anything about D.I.D. and I really don’t want that to be one of our first few therapy sessions, talking about the others. I want that to be a gradual process. The problem with that is, the state of things, the PTSD, the switching, never mind the awkward getting to know you stage, I mean how do you handle that, when things have gotten so our of hand at times?…
Ahh, maybe I can put going to therapy off for a bit, at least until I can get things back to “normal “, what ever that is. Even if I did go back to therapy, I am not sure what I want from it anymore. I know it sounds strange but it’s like I feel too vulnerable to go into therapy again. I just don’t know what is going to happen, I am not sure what I want out of therapy anymore. Maybe therapy really won’t change much, maybe I just need to find a way to live a life that is just accepting this is what my life is always going to be, with any luck, have it just be the “sometimes” part of my life?
Ahh, maybe I can put going to therapy off for a bit, at least until I can get things back to “normal “, what ever that is. Even if I did go back to therapy, I am not sure what I want from it anymore. I know it sounds strange but it’s like I feel too vulnerable to go into therapy again. I just don’t know what is going to happen, I am not sure what I want out of therapy anymore. Maybe therapy really won’t change much, maybe I just need to find a way to live a life that is just accepting this is what my life is always going to be, with any luck, have it just be the “sometimes” part of my life?